Intimacy is not sex. Many partners in relationships tend to use the words ‘intimacy’ and ‘sex’ interchangeably, but they’re not the same. Intimacy is closeness. It can involve sex and does, but intimacy is a closeness that often builds over time as two people grow to care for each other, get more comfortable with one another, and connect.
As relationships develop, so does intimacy which has a physical and emotional component. Here are some best ways to be more intimate with your girlfriend.
1. Show Appreciation
Simple gratitude and appreciation for your girlfriend can mean a lot. This can take the form of gifts, favours, or by doing simple things for them. They will feel cared for, seen, and acknowledged and may be eager to return similar appreciation to you, although reciprocality should not necessarily be your motivation. Appreciative gestures are all about love and attention.
2. Skin-On-Skin Contact
Have some skin-on-skin contact. Set aside quality time for each other where you can lie in bed, touch one another, sleep next to each other, and connect physically.
It does not have to progress to anything sexual. However, it can if that’s what you are both feeling. The important thing is to focus on each other with undivided attention and to learn how to be present at the moment with one another.
3. Learn About Each Other’s Sexuality
Sex is a large element of intimacy for couples. Ask your girlfriend about what she likes or doesn’t like. Make more effort to learn about her and what she likes, prioritizing her pleasure.
Try new things. Browse a sex toy store for a few items you want to use in couples’ play. Explore each other’s sexual preferences, kinks, and switch things up in the bedroom.
4. Prioritize Sex
If you’re too busy for sex, schedule it. Make it a priority. It doesn’t need to be every night. But every week works. If you set aside the time for it and follow through, you maintain that connection.
As you’ll also find, by planning sexual intimacy, you end up more likely to engage in spontaneous sex as well as it builds anticipation for the time together.
5. Respect Boundaries
Boundaries are a trust-building exercise, in a way. Especially in a sexual or intimate situation, we all have boundaries. Identify what they are and do not cross them.
As you and your girlfriend reinforce each other’s boundaries, you both feel safe with one another. This also allows you to explore new sexual territory safely and together without feeling uncomfortable or violated.
6. Venture Into New Sexual Territory
To be more intimate, try something new. It can be as simple as a new sex position or sex toy, or as wild as BDSM but do something together, with safety and security involved, that you wouldn’t normally do. It doesn’t necessarily need to work, either.
Trying something new and exploring a different side of sex can be fun, hilarious, and relationship-building.
7. Identify Barriers to Intimacy
There may be barriers to having more intimacy with your girlfriend. From you or their side, there may be avoidance of it out of fear, anxiety, a need to isolate to self-protect, or issues with low self-esteem. If these are factors in your relationship, have an open conversation about what’s going on and actively work to build trust to overcome these limitations.
8. Have Physical Affection Without Sex
Ensure that warm gestures, cuddles, hugs, kisses, and physical affection are still made outside the bedroom. As much as we think sex toys, outfits, and exploring sexual fantasies are fun, physical affection outside of sex will show your girlfriend that you still care for her even when sex isn’t on the table. Be warm together and show her a genuine touch without desire.
9. Stay Connected To Your Partner During The Day
If you want more intimacy, work for it. Stay connected more than you might usually. Text each other and check-in. Leave a note in their purse telling them you love them. Ask them how their day went. Have dinner with them away from screens and engage them in conversation. It can be an effort, but you’re building a connection, which carries over into other activities, including sex.
10. Don’t Hesitate To Be Vulnerable And Share Feelings
Vulnerabilities bring people together. If you’re willing to share your feelings, they may feel equally inclined to share theirs and together, that’s intimacy. Talk about your worries, your fears, your excitement, your concerns, and your dreams. Be willing and open to having uncomfortable conversations that you’d normally try to avoid. If your girlfriend has criticized you for not allowing yourself to be vulnerable or open, show them you’re working on it.
11. Intimacy May Mean Different Things To Your Partner
When building intimacy, recognize that how your girlfriend builds intimacy may be different from you. It ties into love languages and communication styles and is influenced by interests and personal preferences. Before trying anything, discuss intimacy with your girlfriend and ask them what it means to them.